Кусочки, осколки мыслей по поводу сего бытия... которые превратились в сознании в то, что здесь можно наблюдать...
It’s not an easy decision to make… when you are going to let a person of your life go… it’s not easy even when you are going to let him or her leave you for a little journey… because you are going to stay all alone without anyone by your side… absolutely lonely… though for a little while.
Going through the hailstorm of life with no one to defend you from severe winter, the winter of loneliness; feeling like crossing an endless desert starving to death for chilly warmth of love. Life is tricky, it’s a fickle creature sending you some people to make you better as you think but it is at the same time playing silly games with human hearts, eager to believe in its wisdom and justice. Warmth embraces you and you think it’s going to be the end of your lonely journey, from that moment on you see the island of happiness on the horizon and you do everything in your power to reach that island running out of breath, letting all the other things drift on their own, seeing nothing but the island ahead… which in the long run turns out to be just a mirage triggered by the long walk through the arid desert. And all you’ve got now after this crazy pursuit for love and happiness is a bitter pain of disappointment and a ruined life as you were oblivious to its details while paddling towards the mirage of salvation. Life makes fun of you, it makes you cry and scream of pain but eventually… it makes you stronger.
Lizzy was standing on the fragile bridge creaking of cold, she decided… no she was still considering her decision here, looking into infinity opening through the surface of the sugar-iced frozen river under the flimsy bridge… which had been often used as a place for going to one’s account.
One way ticket is bought, visa is prepared, passport and documents in their right places, baggage packed. Everything is ready for setting off. But she is not. She needs a little bit more time to prepare herself for what’s going to happen. And even traffic congestion in these rush hours are not able to give her some extra time to think everything through as the motorway is 5 minutes and one juncture from their house and there simply cannot be any traffic jam on the motorway.
She left him in bed as soon as the night took control over the world and went to that old bridge always recalling the bitterest moments of her childhood when her mom left her and her father. There were tears, there were fears but she could do nothing to change the situation back then, and now she had a choice but… she was not sure if she wanted to change anything. Now, standing here, in the wind biting her cheeks she hoped to find something that would make her miss him so much that she would make that significant step and make him cancel the flight that was supposed to separate them for eternity, make him stay with her.
It was a charter flight. The plain was due to take off at 8. The opposite side of the globe was waiting for him, but for him alone, as there was no possibility to take her there - she would not survive in that climate. And Jack understood that perfectly. There was no way he would risk her life in order to stay together. But he couldn’t deny helping millions of children suffering from a lethal disease if he knew he could save them. He could not refuse the fact that he was one of the few specialists in the world capable of healing the disease. But he also knew that he would stay here with her if only she asked him to, even though if it meant that he’d give up on his life, as medicine was everything for him… but she was a part of him and taking that part away would mean tearing him, breaking, ruining his soul, shattering his heart and making it impossible for him to find his own piece of happiness in life.
Lisa is pulling her gloves about still standing on the same spot of snow she stepped on 5 hours ago tortured by bitter thoughts of parting… the parting that is never going to end. The same as it was when she was 8… on the same bridge, with the same medallion on her neck and the same little cute earrings left by her mom on the three-leaved mirror in their bedroom on the day of her leaving. She wants him to stay… maybe she wants him to be with her and brighten her life with some adventure… and make the long cold nights warmer. She knows he will stay for her – no doubt. She wants him to stay but it’s not really necessary – she’ll be able to live without him. It’s a wonderful thing – love. But if out of the two loves only one it’s not about happiness.
No doubt it is difficult to decide whether let your beloved go or not, but it sometimes is even more difficult to decide whether you love someone or not.
The pain that was supposed to come along with the bitter memories never did. She’s finally made her decision – now she can leave the shaky bridge of the Soul of the World that gave her understanding of her own heart.
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